SAGITTARIUS / CAPRICORN / AQUARIUS / PISCES TAROTSCOPE 11.26.18 - 12.02.18

Identify your Sun, Rising and Moon signs, and read the messages for each placement below.

Sagittarius / The Empress & The Chariot

Dear Sagittarius, it is your birth season, and you are feeling that creative, expansive energy. The Empress wants you to tap into your inner God / Goddess. Nurture yourself, surround yourself with beauty, go to places and do things that absolutely fill your heart and soul. Be inspired, and create and give birth from that divine place of infinite intelligence. With The Chariot, what you conceive will bring you further than you could have imagined, you will leap into the next chapter of your life. Do not look back, and bring with you only what is necessary, there is no room for people or things that weigh you down. 

Capricorn / Brother Wind & Eight of Water "Still Waters"

Dear Capricorn, your mind is in overdrive right now, you have too many ideas, too many options, too many things going on up there. "Still Waters" wants you to pause, meditate, leave behind distracting thoughts, because once you find peace you will find the answers. Brother Wind, is in fact a brainstorm, find ways to get these thoughts out of your head and onto the physical, log them on your phone, write them on your notepad, just energetically release them from you so they can be stored, and if you need to, you can go back to them later. Find that balance in thought, action, and stillness to be as productive as you inherently are.

Aquarius / Resurrection & Seven of Fire "Courage"

Dear Aquarius, a life review is at hand, and with it you will be reborn. You are being asked to harness the "Courage" needed to really look at yourself, to be vulnerable with self, to see what needs to change, to give your soul the space and introspection to evolve. We don't need to wait until we are at heaven's gates to see how we did in our physical lives, we can do it now. What epiphanies have you had recently? What aspect of your life isn't working anymore and needs a review? "Resurrection" declares that there is an opportunity to let go, and to ascend, but we must tap into "Courage" to face what we most often avoid, ourselves.

Pisces / Two of Wind "Crossing" & The Magus

Dear Pisces, this week Spirit asks you to uncross your swords, and point confidently in a clear direction.  You are at a "Crossing," where you must choose a path, the time for weighing decisions is over, and now you must act. The Magus puts the power in your hands, there is no wrong decision, only different avenues. No matter what you decide, you will have the knowledge, the maturity, the skills, the resources, to see yourself through anything. It is up to you what you want to experience, for life is just a series of moments. Take the first step, know that you are powerful beyond measure, and if you feel you've made the wrong choice, you can always go in a different direction.  

LEO / VIRGO / LIBRA / SCORPIO TAROTSCOPE 11.26.18 - 12.02.18

Identify your Sun, Rising and Moon signs, and read the messages for each placement below.

Leo / Six of Wind "Clarity" & The Emperor

Dear Leo, the fog is lifting, and you are realizing what true security and power mean to you. You have done the work, and you have come to place of understanding, "Clarity" acknowledges the difficulties you've overcome and the peace you will now find. The Emperor brings you stability and safety, not the kind that can be taken away, but the kind found within. You are knowing who you are, and who you are is constantly evolving, this is what you must hold on to, the truth that nothing is truly guaranteed. Be flexible, be lithe, do not cling, and peace of mind will be yours.  Stand in this realization, and you will be free to lead, and serve your soul's purpose.

Virgo / Sister Fire & Seven of Wind "Many Tongues"

Dear Virgo, enthusiasm, passion, vigor, and fire are energizing you this week, but be careful not to overthink, and not to drag yourself down with too many ideas. That gut feeling, that spark, we must follow that, that is our intuition speaking to us to go forth. But then, our mind comes in, and we over analyze, we talk ourselves out of it, we list the what ifs and what nots. It is important to plan, and be careful, but let's not fall into the sandpit of fear and self doubt. If there is something you long to do, somewhere you long to go, Sister Fire asks you to acknowledge that gut feeling, that excitement, that is your soul saying yes.

Libra / Sister Wind & Three of Earth "Works"

Dear Libra, you are usually the mediator, the peacemaker, the one who likes to keep everything in balance. However, this week Sister Wind asks you to be the disruptor. What is that idea that has been ruminating in your head, that unpopular opinion, the one that will offend some, inspire some, and blow their heads off? Do not be afraid to face backlash or criticism, "Works" supports you in your efforts. "Works" emphasizes your influence on your environment, you are here to create and make shit happen, not to play it safe.

Scorpio / The Hierophant & Five of Earth "The Nadir"

Dear Scorpio, this week you are being asked to swim into the depths, where you feel most at home, and shed light on the rules, structures, beliefs you may have grown up with, but no longer serve you. What have you been taught that you no longer agree with? What has been embedded within you, that you must release so you can evolve? You will know by how it makes you feel, that irritation, that tension, that emptiness. The truths that made you feel small, unworthy, sinful, were not truths at all. Create your own beliefs, ones that align with who you truly are.

ARIES / TAURUS / GEMINI / CANCER TAROTSCOPE 11.26.18 - 12.02.18

Identify your Sun, Rising and Moon signs, and read the messages for each placement below.

Aries / Four of Wind "Mastery" & The Devil

Dear Aries, this week you are being asked to find balance and stillness as you indulge and play. We all need to let loose, to enjoy the physical pleasures of this life. The Devil speaks to our relationship with what some may consider sinful, it could be intoxication, sex, materialism, etc. "Mastery" wants us to understand that partaking in these acts is part of being human, but there also comes a time when they no longer fulfill us, or they drain us more than they energize us, in other words, the hangover may no longer be worth the experience. Be truthful with yourself, just as we sometimes grow out of a job or relationship, so do we find ourselves growing out of our habits, and no longer being interested in what we thought was a good time.

Taurus / Nine of Wind "The Screen" & One of Earth "Form"

Dear Taurus, Spirit asks you to realize that more often than not, what truly holds you back and blocks your progress is you. "The Screen" blinds us, it makes us a victim, it wants us to blame others and our circumstances for things not working out, or for us being unhappy. However, happiness is a choice, and what we choose to focus on can shape our reality. "Form" emphasizes the power we have within to manifest into the physical world. We can shape our world. Be aware of what you are thinking and creating, do not fall into the trap of victimhood, be the hero of your story.

Gemini / Two of Water "Sacred Cord" & The Hanged Man

Dear Gemini, this week you are being asked to acknowledge the special bond you have with your soulmate, and soul family. The "Sacred Cord" is the energetic link we have with the people we love, you have many, be thankful for them. The Hanged Man wants you to be patient with the people you hold dear, just because we love each other, it does not mean we don't argue, or disagree. Look at issues in your relationships from different perspectives, not to conclude who is right or wrong, but to empathize and understand their behavior, thus strengthening your relationship with them, purifying the "Sacred Cord."

Cancer / Mother Fire & Father Wind

Dear Cancer, the energies around you may overwhelm you this week, as Mother Fire & Father Wind urge you to direct your power outward, and not hide in your shell. Mother Fire brings you the power of persuasion, she is warm, magnetic, filled with fire but tempered with water. She does not need to be explosive, her fire burns steadily. Father Wind is master strategist, he is compelling in his knowledge and analytical cunning. He leads with thought and intellect. These two archetypes come to you to assist you in leading with confidence. There is grace behind their power, they do not oppress with brute force, they reap success and inspire others with their brilliance and charisma.

SAGITTARIUS / CAPRICORN / AQUARIUS / PISCES TAROTSCOPE 11.19.18 - 11.25.18

Identify your Sun, Rising and Moon signs, and read the messages for each placement below.

Sagittarius / Three of Fire "Birth of Light" & Nine of Fire "Eye of Fire"

Dear Sagittarius, do not let the fear of struggle or judgement prevent you charging forward on your path. Three of Fire "Birth of Light" supports your flashes of brilliance, your bright ideas, your controversial life decisions, you are a mover and shaker, and you will make those who do not align with you very uncomfortable. Nine of Fire "Eye of Fire" warns that you may encounter hostilities and difficulties on the road ahead, but take this as a sign that you are doing exactly what you are meant to, you are being talked about because you matter, and you threaten others' fall sense of security.

Capricorn / The Hermit & Eight of Earth "The Mountain"

Dear Capricorn, this week Spirit asks you to do what you do best, find solitude and focus to climb that "Mountain" and get shit done. In The Hermit, we find ourselves in a time of contemplation and seclusion, we do this because there is something we need to learn about ourselves. We must find the hidden reserves of energy, and generate that energy to take on the task at hand. No fuss, no distractions. "The Mountain" lets us know that this will not be an easy thing to accomplish, but Capricorn has never shied away from hard work, you thrive on it. To some, "The Mountain" may seem too daunting, but to you, it might as well be a molehill. 

Aquarius / Two of Earth "Cause & Effect" & One of Earth "Form"

Dear Aquarius, you can now see how the puzzle pieces fit together, you can see how one action will have a specific outcome, great insight into the workings of your field are at hand. "Cause & Effect" amplifies your analytic knowledge, and "Form" suggests that you know exactly what to do to gain the results you want. You know when to act, when to pause, when to go after it, and when to let it go. Use this productive time to create, to bring in abundance, to go after that opportunity and bring your desires into the physical plane.

Pisces / Father Fire & Sister Wind

Dear Pisces, you are usually dreamy, introverted and empathetic. This week however, you are being asked to harness the explosive energy of Fire and spread it with the aggressive energy of Wind. Father Fire brings intense passion, usually in the pursuit of your creative or career endeavors, and Sister Wind brings radical truths, even if they are not supported by everyone around you. These energies electrify you with the conviction to act, the power to move, and the courage to express new, controversial thought, the kind that brings fear, and excitement, the kind that can change the world. At this moment, do not follow, take the reins and lead.

LEO / VIRGO / LIBRA / SCORPIO TAROTSCOPE 11.19.18 - 11.25.18

Identify your Sun, Rising and Moon signs, and read the messages for each placement below.

Leo / Four of Wind "Mastery" & The Sun

Dear Leo, Four of Wind "Mastery" validates that you have worked hard, you have succeeded in some aspect of your work / life, and you have earned the right to rest and recuperate. However, be on the lookout for the next spark of inspiration, do not be complacent, there is still more to do and you know that. The Sun signals the clarity you will receive, you will know the path to take, and this path will lead to true fulfillment, the accomplishments before were just stepping stones. The Sun reveals The Light, and it is not fleeting, it is sustained because it comes from within, it is The Light of your Soul. 

Virgo / Three of Earth "Works" & Six of Earth "Beauty"

Dear Virgo, you are coming into a moment of productivity, you know what to do and how to do it, you are resourceful, organized, and victory is yours. Three of Earth "Works" supports you in your efforts to gain praise and material rewards. As you work to accomplish your goals, Six of Earth "Beauty" asks you to do it with heart, and with your well being and your teams' well being in mind. Raise others, as you raise yourself, acknowledge those that have helped you, and reward them as you are rewarded. Give, receive, give thanks, and get into the flow of Universal Energy.

Libra / Two of Water "Sacred Cord" & Three of Water "Stream of Love"

Dear Libra, everyone has much to be thankful for, but this week, you must give extra thanks. Two of Water "Sacred Cord" & Three of Water "Stream of Love" asks you to focus on the love around you, the love you give, and the love within. You are blessed with wonderful friends, an amazing family, whether they were the ones you were born with or the ones you have chosen, and the love is overwhelming. This is the time to celebrate the people in your life, show them, or tell them, how much you love them in case you haven't recently. Your cups are full, and there is much to have gratitude for.

Scorpio / Mother Water & Seven of Earth "The Garden"

Dear Scorpio, Mother Water asks you be nurturing and empathetic, to love unconditionally, and Seven of Earth "The Garden" asks you to extend this healing energy to yourself. So often we use our energies to look after others' "Gardens," we want to make sure they are cared for, they are watered, and they are protected. This week, look after yourself, as you are comforting those around you, make sure you yourself are comforted. We can not give from an empty cup, see that your own "Garden" is tended to, and receive as much as you give. 

ARIES / TAURUS / GEMINI / CANCER TAROTSCOPE 11.19.18 - 11.25.18

Identify your Sun, Rising and Moon signs, and read the messages for each placement below.

Aries / Father Wind & Ten of Earth "The Great Work"

Dear Aries, Father Wind is the master of mind, a great leader, strategizer, and thinker, paired with Ten of Earth "The Great Work," he asks you to use your intellect and cunning to evolve your career or entrepreneurial venture. How can you reach more people, how can you expand your business, what can you do to make a wonderful impression? "The Great Work" speaks to that passion project that lights your heart on fire, that brilliant idea that can really help people, that which is your soul purpose. Use your brilliant mind to push your path forward.

Taurus / Wheel of Fortune & Nine of Wind "The Screen"

Dear Taurus, The Wheel of Fortune brings you the message of positive change, know that Nine of Wind "The Screen" acknowledges your fears, your hesitations, but that is self inflicted. Pay attention to your negative thoughts, and be aware of how you feed them. You have the power to shift it, and Spirit is with you as you clear the fog, the self limiting beliefs. The Wheel of Fortune is your inner guidance system telling you that you can change what you do not like, but you have to see that there is a way out.

Gemini / Nine of Earth "The Zenith" & Karma

Dear Gemini, Nine of Earth "The Zenith" sees you reaching the top of the mountain. You will come into a place of well being, satisfaction and success. Know that you deserve everything you have achieved. Karma makes it clear that you've given what you have received, you've worked with the laws of energy and the universe to bring you to this wonderful place. Now, Karma wants you to be aware of what you do with your energy now that you are here, do not forget to continue show gratitude, and to spread love now to keep the blessings coming.

Cancer / The Hanged Man & Brother Earth

Dear Cancer, be patient, know that you are making steady progress that is building a secure foundation for yourself, even if it seems you are not moving as quickly as you would have liked. The Hanged Man is the energy of blissful non action, it is okay to "Just Be" at the moment, you don't have to make big leaps right at this time, enjoy this holiday week and be present with the love and community that surrounds you. Brother Earth assures you that things are moving at the pace it is meant to.

CONTROL

“But never have I been a blue calm sea,

I have always been a storm,

Always been a storm,

Ooh, always been a storm

I have always been a storm” - Stevie Nicks

I’ve been going to therapy for over 6 months now. In my 20s, I was completely averse to psychotherapy. I had this judgment based on complete ignorance, that it was for weak people who could not handle the problems in their lives, so they pay someone extortionate amounts of money to complain and whine. I dismissed it as indulgent and superfluous. I always imagined people in third world countries, who had “real” problems, surviving violence and warfare, struggling to eat and find shelter; I imagined they would laugh at the idea of a therapist. First world problems, I thought.

Now, in my 30s, I am so thankful that I have a therapist I resonate with. I can’t believe how smug I was, and how I thought I had all my shit together. It took some deeply dark moments of intense inner struggle, bouts of identity crises and emotional turmoil to surrender to the fact that I did need help, and that someone who had no personal connection to me could provide enlightening insight into my psyche. I tried to heal with energy work, and pleading to my Spirit Guides to show me the way to clarity and peace of mind, but sometimes what people often forget, is that instead of waving a magic wand and making everything better, Spirit/Universal Energy often directs us to the people and circumstances that can actually help us. We are here to learn, to experience, to fall, and ascend, and none of that would happen if we did not do the work.

During a recent session, we discussed anger. I’ve had issues with not being able to express my anger my entire life. We discussed middle school memories of being taunted for acting “feminine”, feeling insecure and unworthy because I was terrible at sports, being bullied by a kid who attacked me because I “shoulder checked” him, and spending my entire developing years in the closet. I thought these things didn’t affect anymore, but events in my adulthood, where I lashed out in rage, revealed that my triggers stemmed from things that happened to me in the past, that dug themselves deep into my subconscious.

In one practice, she asked me to bring up a girl who taunted me, and to say to her everything that I wish I could have said to defend myself and shut her down. I imagined her standing in front of me, and I immediately knew what I wanted to say. I said them, but I felt silly, like I was talking to myself, I felt crazy; and this is coming from someone who communicates with Spirits. I found myself trying to tame my anger, even in this moment where the task was to let it fly. I couldn’t raise my voice, I couldn’t shout and scream, I wanted to erupt like a volcano but I just couldn’t. I was afraid of how my therapist would see me, embarrassed for her to experience the “ugly” part of me, now take a minute to ponder that. I was even frightened to think that her patients and the receptionist in the waiting room would hear me.

We addressed my need to control my emotions, my clenched jaw, the heaviness in my chest, the pressure in my forehead, all symptoms built through the years of how I tried to “deal” with my anger, but all I did was bury and suppress it. This is a block we will continue to work through. My need to control my anger filters through other aspects of my life; my need to control people, to control how I am perceived, to control situations, even when they are completely out of my control. Having awareness of why we react, and the physical symptoms we experience, can help us understand ourselves, uncover the roots of our wounds, and ultimately heal them. The anger that we do not face, sooner or later makes itself known when we least expect it, and then we often take it out on those closest to us. That anger has a message for us, and when we allow it to speak, we can listen, and pay attention, and find ways to release it, and use it to be more mindful. Not that we will never lose our temper or act in an unsavory way ever again, but we when we have the tools and knowledge, we can process these emotions, these energies, in a more productive and cathartic way in the future.

We owe it to ourselves, to our wounded inner child, to heal. Discover the method that works for you. If you could do this all on your own, without the help of a professional, I truly applaud you, more power to you. However, if you need the help of a professional, it is normal to feel ashamed, and scared, and even a little silly. I have felt all of those things, but getting over ourselves is the first step to discovering who we truly are, and letting go of what no longer serves us.

READINGS AT SIMPLE GOODS BROOKLYN

Friends of Friends,

I will be giving complimentary readings at a very special event at Simple Goods. Browse beautiful art by Mika Cali Studio, gorgeous accessories by Alex Jewelry Studio, delicious scents by Anai Candles, and enjoy drinks and bites by Simple Cafe.

See you there loves.

11.12.18 - 11.18.18 TAROTSCOPE

Identify your Sun, Rising and Moon signs, and read the messages for each placement below.

Aries / Sister Wind

Dear Aries, Sister Wind asks you to find your rebellious spirit. This week you may find yourself challenging long held beliefs, whether they are beliefs held by others or yourself. What feels outdated, stale, and no longer relevant? You may cause discomfort, but often the beginning of change and progress elicits reactions based on fear. Don’t be intimidated by those who choose to follow the rules, those who are fine with the way things are, those who want things to stay the same. You aren’t here to keep the peace, you are here to blaze the trail.

Taurus / Brother Earth

Dear Taurus, Brother Earth asks you to forge ahead, slow and steady. As a grounded Earth sign, patience and progress is your moda operandi. Others may pull their hair out when things don’t move fast enough, but you know to trust in divine timing. You have the power to sustain, to work efficiently, to think, and plan, and take action based on experience and understanding, not blind fervor. You are not boastful, you balance success with humility, and focused action with meditation.

Gemini / One of Wind “Clarity”

Dear Gemini, One of Wind “Clarity” asks you to recognize your brilliance. Pay attention to great insights and epiphanies you receive this week. The light bulb “aha!” moments are guided by your Higher Self and Spirit. If your mind has been foggy, if life has been confusing, acknowledge the realizations and inspired ideas that come to you, even if they seem miniscule or trivial, follow them like bDereadcrumbs, they will lead to the breakthrough you’ve been waiting for.

Cancer / Father Wind

Dear Cancer, Father Wind asks you to harness the power of the mind to balance your emotional nature. When we are feeling, and feeling deeply, we often attach scenarios and destructive thoughts to our emotions. Father Wind asks us to observe, detached, to what we are thinking and what we are feeling. It is easy to confuse the two. Our mind can be our greatest friend or our most bitter enemy, we must learn to harness our power, to be disciplined, in thinking thoughts that help us heal and move forward, versus thoughts that pour salt on the wound.

Leo / One of Fire “Force”

Dear Leo, One of Fire “Force” asks you to fuel the fire within. Follow your highest excitement. Spirit is with you now as you fulfill your soul’s purpose. What do you really want to be doing with your life? What thrills you, what drives you, what in your reality do you want to change? One of Fire make us aware of the passions we have been neglecting. The more we push back, the more we deny who we truly are. The initial spark, the hunger is there, and it is waiting for you to feed it. You know what sets your heart on fire, do not be afraid of how magical and purposeful your life can be, you are meant to shine.

Virgo / Mother WInd

Dear Virgo, Mother Wind asks you to communicate with intelligence and heart. Be aware of how you speak, and what you say, words can cut and if you are not a natural empath, you can often say insensitive things even if that was not your intention. Mother Wind is logical and clear, but also emotional and nurturing. She uses her mastery over mind to encourage, to heal, to care for those around her. She knows what to say, and when to say it, because it comes from her heart, and she speaks with love. As you go about your week, be aware of your words. If you must criticize, be aware of your intention. Do you want to cut someone down, make them feel lesser than? Or do you want to teach them, and build their strength, and lift them up?

Libra / The Magus

Dear Libra, The Magus asks you to manifest with clear intention. Your thoughts, your energy, your imagination, they are your tools to align with the reality you want. You are a powerful magician, and Spirit is saying your power is amplified this week. If you find yourself in a rut of negative thinking, pause, regroup, and do something that raises your frequency, whether it is writing, exercising, meditating, watching your favorite movie, talking to a dear friend, etc. Recognize your methods, these are your resources for energetic realignment. Your frequency, your reality.

Scorpio / Four of Earth “Power”

Dear Scorpio, Four of Earth “Power” asks you to review your relationship with power and success. You are coming into a time of great attainment. Be proud of all you have accomplished, you have worked hard and you absolutely deserve it. Spirit asks you to not be attached to it. You are not what you have gained. Be thankful for it, but do not grasp it with clenched fists, and do not hoard. Our moment at the top of the mountain is part of a cycle, we may not always be there, and the more we accept this, the more we can gracefully ride the waves of life. Let us appreciate the highs, and let us not fear the lows, these opposing experiences serve us just the same in our soul evolution.

Sagittarius / Two of Fire “Convergence”

Dear Sagittarius, Two of Fire “Convergence” asks you to choose a direction, and fearlessly charge forward. Indecision is draining, there is a difference between waiting for the right moment, and blatant procrastination. You will be coming into a time of focus and alignment. You will be inspired to move ahead, and even if you feel fear, the message is to overcome it, and instead fear the idea of staying stuck, and doing nothing. At this time, any decision is better than none. Lead with your heart, and request the help of your Spirit Team, great energy is available to you now.

Capricorn / Six of Fire “Glory”

Dear Capricorn, Six of Fire “Glory” asks you see the warrior spirit within, that which has carried you through all your battles. You are coming into a time of victory, not necessarily a victory over someone else, but a victory over yourself and a victory over your difficulties. You are leveling up, ascending, and you will be able to perceive everything with fresh, new eyes. You will see that the hardships faced have allowed you to evolve. You will wear your battle scars with pride, and you know that whatever challenge may come, your warrior spirit will conquer, and you will thrive.

Aquarius / The Tower

Dear Aquarius, The Tower asks you to surrender to change. The Tower is upheaval, it is destruction of false truths. Old ideas and beliefs will crumble, so you can gain a greater understanding. You are coming into a time of life changing epiphanies, they will shape you. What must you leave behind, so you can start anew? You can not carry everything with you to the next stage, you must be free, nimble, unburdened. Truth awaits you, the old ways no longer make sense, evolve and do not resist, this is your awakening.

Pisces / Two of Earth “Cause and Effect”

Dear Pisces, Two of Earth “Cause an Effect” asks you understand the consequences of your actions. This is not the simple exchange of an eye for an eye. This is the energetic balance of your intentions. If you send love and kindness to others, you are raising the frequency of this physical world, and no matter how small these acts, they will echo outward like ripples in a pond. If you send malice, and judgement, you lower the frequency, and you help create a world that is that much darker and unkind. Be aware of your intentions, you are more powerful than you think.

FEEL IT ALL

“The middle way is wide open, but it’s tough going, because it goes against the grain of an ancient neurotic pattern that we all share. When we feel lonely, when we feel hopeless, what we want to do is move to the right or left. We don’t want to sit and feel what we feel. We don’t want to go through the detox. Yet the middle way encourages us to do just that. It encourages us to awaken the bravery that exists in everyone without exception, including you and me.

Meditation provides a way for us to train in the middle way — in staying right on the spot. We are encouraged not to judge whatever arises in our mind. In fact, we are encouraged not to even grasp whatever arises in our mind. What we usually call good or bad we simply acknowledge as thinking, without all the usual drama that does along with right and wrong. We are instructed to let the thoughts come and go as if touching a bubble with a feather. This straightforward discipline prepares us to stop struggling and discover a fresh, unbiased state of being.” - Pema Chödrön

Let’s feel it all. Let’s feel the shit out of our emotions. Let’s feel it without judgement, without overthinking it, without fighting it, without feeling bad for feeling fucking bad. It takes courage to do this, to be present with your emotions, not trying to wrestle with it, or thinking “feeling this way is terrible, I should be smiles and sunshine and rainbows.” Fuck that. When we do that, we don’t allow the emotions, the energy, to do what it’s supposed to do, bring us awareness then move through us. They are visitors, they are not permanent tenants. Permanence is a great lie after all.

You will be amazed at the wisdom gained, and the epiphanies, if you just let yourself sit with your feelings. Breathe through it, write through it, run through it, your method is your method. But whatever you do, don’t push it down. When we push it down, it will always eventually reveals itself. You must give your emotions the space it needs to breathe, the time it needs to heal, it is a wounded child yearning to be heard and acknowledged. Also, let’s try and not take it out on the people closest to us.

Let’s try not to overthink as well, it is not about the mind, we are not trying to analyze, or probe, or solve anything. We are just honoring the moment, honoring that we are feeling, crying, sensitive beings. We are not robots, we can’t just delete a program that we don’t like, we can’t force joy when we are feeling sorrow. To try and do so would deny this very sacred human experience. In the same way, we can’t force sorrow when we are feeling unbridled joy. The difference is we don’t judge ourselves when we are at the “positive” end of the emotional spectrum, only when we are feeling “low” do we kick ourselves in the shin.

Your well meaning friends want you to just get over it, but they are not in your body, and they don’t understand that asking you to feel better is counterproductive, you don’t need that extra pressure. We must process, and I promise you when we process, we can ascend. We can move from sorrow to joy, but not in one big leap. We must feel our way through it, we must scream and cry, then we must feel what we feel after that, then we might laugh, then feel what we feel after that, until eventually we get to a place where we feel “okay,” where we can feel some hope, a little spark of positivity, an ounce of happiness. We might dip down again, we might get through it the first time, remember that there is no end goal, only cycles. If you move slowly, that’s fine, if you move quickly, that’s fine, but move at your pace, not anyone else’s. Do not force yourself, do not resist the emotions within. We all know that what you resist persists.

This is about ease, because it’s actually easier to feel what you are feeling, than to challenge it. It’s about surrendering to the present, understanding that you are sensitive, perhaps more sensitive than others, and that whatever you feel is absolutely acceptable. This is about loving yourself; loving yourself when you are blissful and wonderful and at peace, and loving yourself when you are down and miserable and at rock bottom.

11.5.18 - 11.11.18 TAROTSCOPE

Identify your Sun, Rising and Moon signs, and read the messages for each placement below.

Aries / The High Priestess

Dear Aries, The High Priestess asks you to trust your intuition and connect with Spirit. This is a time of heightened psychic senses. Pay attention to your dreams, to your spirit animals, to synchronicities, to Angel numbers, to that song that you feel is trying to give you a message. Spirit is around us, always trying to assist us, we must be quiet and still enough to understand what they want to say. Meditate, journal, be aware of the vibrations in your energetic body. There is knowledge in books, and there is knowledge in the unknown, use all avenues of wisdom to gain understanding.

Taurus / Father Wind

Dear Taurus, Father Wind asks you to harness your intellectual powers. You are coming into a time of intelligent ideas, analytical brilliance, mastery over the mind. You have much knowledge to share, you can teach others how to act rationally, how to separate heart and mind when required. You are confident not because you know everything, but because you know that you don’t. You do not back down from opposing ideas, you have engaging discussions, you collaborate, you know how to alchemize different perspectives, that is your true power.

Gemini / The Empress

Dear Gemini, The Empress asks you to feel, to enjoy, to be sensual. How can you nurture yourself? Small things, like taking a bath, eating delicious foods, walking in nature, surrounding yourself in beautiful colors, are ways you can tap into the divine feminine and celebrate the physical pleasures of Earth. We are physical beings, and though we are on a spiritual path, we must take care of our physical vessels. The Empress gives birth to creativity and abundance, see how nature is creative and abundant, and be inspired by her.

Cancer / Ten of Fire “The Cage”

Dear Cancer, Ten of Fire “The Cage” asks you to see beyond limitations. There is a sense of ruin and destruction when we arrive at The Cage. However, that experience is past, and now we are faced with what to do. With that oppression, you have grown, you have had an awakening, even if there was tragedy and discomfort, there was a lesson for you to learn. Integrate that lesson, do not get stuck in the past for there is new life after the fire. Unlock The Cage you feel trapped in, you have the key.

Leo / The Star

Dear Leo, The Star asks you to shine the light within. What is your purpose on this Earth? Contemplate on it, for that is your North Star. How you serve will guide you in all you do. In The Star, there is the promise of healing, hope, and understanding. The Star appears after a time of turmoil, she asks that you forgive, so you can move forward. She appears as the light at the end of the tunnel, the light that guides us to knowing our true self. There you will find divine inspiration, a brilliant spiritual awakening.

Virgo / Sister Wind

Dear Virgo, Sister Wind asks you to recognize your truths. Sometimes we must admit that we don’t know everything, and we were wrong, and other times we must stick to our guns and challenge the opposition. Be discerning, not stubborn. Your truths, your ideas, may ruffle some feathers, they may shake the foundations, they may rebel against the status quo. If your truths are guided by heart, by spirit, by love, then you know they are worth fighting for.

Libra / Three of Earth “Works”

Dear Libra, Three of Earth “Works” asks you to succeed with heart and soul. Put your all into what you are doing. The Stars are aligning, and you are working harmoniously with the energies of The Universe. Invention, innovation, and creation are at hand. You have the power to manifest your career aspirations into this physical reality. Do not lose sight of the bigger picture, how do you want to feel through your venture, how will this fulfill you, how will this help others?

Scorpio / The Hermit

Dear Scorpio, The Hermit asks you to honor your solitude. I know it’s your birthday season, and you want to celebrate, but after you do, honor the time of rest and reflection. There is a huge difference between feeling lonely and spending time alone. The more you recharge, and take care of self, the more you have to give to the people you love. There is deep knowledge to be found in introspection.

Sagittarius / Three of Fire “Birth of Light”

Dear Sagittarius, Three of Fire “Birth of Light” asks you to give life to your vision. What have you been procrastinating, what have you been holding back? You are now gifted with the energy to take that first step. Be aware of epiphanies, brilliant ideas, that spark of passion that you feel deep in your belly. That is your signal to go forward, blaze the trail, there’s no time like the present. It is okay to be afraid, but despite this, act now, and move forward.

Capricorn / Seven of Fire “Courage”

Dear Capricorn, Seven of Fire “Courage” asks you to fight for what you believe in. Even if the odds are stacked against you, Spirit is on your side. What battles will you face this week? This could be internal or external. You know in your heart what must be defended, what you must stand up for. Use your fear to fuel your fire. Protect those who are in danger, protect those who can’t protect themselves. Be the hero of your story.

Aquarius / The Moon

Dear Aquarius, The Moon asks you to dive into the deep waters within. It is easy to accept and love the “positive” aspects of ourselves. But what about the dark parts of our soul? The parts we try to hide, the parts we are ashamed of? Spend time with your shadow self, it is not your enemy. It is there to teach you, to protect you, and the more you befriend it and understand it, the more inner peace and harmony you will find. In this incarnation, we will always be part light, and part shadow, embrace both to find balance.

Pisces / The Sun

Dear Pisces, The Sun asks you to count your blessings. A warm light shines upon you now, revealing truths and clear insights. How can you help those who are not basking in The Sun? Radiate the joy within, share your joy, share your wisdom and be the light for others. Even if things in your life at this moment are not so bright, we can always find something to be grateful for. The Sun asks you to be aware of what these things are, so more of these things can come into your reality. Happiness is a state of mind.

THE WILLOW TREE

If The Willow were a Tarot card, she would be The High Priestess. She reminds me of a wise, benevolent, worldly witch, she is mysterious, magical; she speaks in whispers, in thoughts, in dreams. She envelopes you in her foliage, cradling you from the world, so you can tell her your secrets, your sorrows, your hopes and your wishes.

There are a family of Willow Trees that I love just three blocks from where I live, they face the river and the first time I saw them I said these were my favorite trees in the city. They were so grand, so elegant, and just looking at them made me so happy. I walk the dog there almost every morning, and we usually sit under the tree and watch the water, or the people jogging by. He loves them too, he walks under the branches and the leaves graze him gently. Unfortunately he likes to pee on the trees, but he doesn’t damage them.

When I was going through my identity crisis, or spiritual awakening as some would call it, feeling overwhelmingly lost, I would meditate under the tree to ground myself. I felt so much energy radiating throughout my body, and it made me feel extremely anxious. The higher frequencies were being integrated into my system, preparing me for the work I would eventually do. It was like drinking gallons of coffee, and I never drink coffee, caffeine does not agree with me. I would touch the trunk, or the weeping branches, and ask The Willow to siphon the excess energy from my body and ground it back to the Earth. I felt at east immediately, I would take deep breaths, and it felt like I was breathing with the wind, and The Willow was dancing with my inhales and exhales. This would bring me to the present moment in such a powerful way, even though people walking by would look at me with confusion. I felt the frantic, high vibrational energy releasing into The Willow, and I would stabilize. This was almost a daily practice over the summer.

Mother Nature is constantly recycling energy, she heals, she gives birth, she decomposes. We can tap into her cycle by spending time with her, asking her for assistance, and becoming aware of the subtle shifts in our energetic bodies. The Willow has a special place in my heart, because it’s as if her branches are literally reaching down to us humans, asking us to communicate with her, to hear what she has to say, if only we’d be still and quiet enough to listen. You’ve seen Pocahontas, you know what I’m talking about.

In Celtic lore, The Willow is associated with The Moon, because of her relationship with water, and the psychic realm, the feminine energy, that which receives. She bends, not in servitude, but in grace. She can maneuver and adapt to the circumstances that befall her. She teaches us to be flexible, not submissive, still strong, still majestic, but flexible. How can we use our intuition, our psychic senses, our inner knowing, to keep growing, to keep reaching for the stars, even when obstacles continue to block our progress? No matter what happens on our journey, what are the inherent truths within that can never be taken from us?

Meditating and confiding with her, I’ve learned that life comes in cycles. The difficult moments prepare us for our soul purpose, and with each difficulty we are fortified, strengthened, and equipped for our next experience. When we are faced with challenges, turn to your friends and family for support, look within for answers, but don’t forget to ask Mother Nature for help. She has wisdom, she can console us, she can guide us. Press your bare feet into the Earth, place your hand on the powerful trunk of a tree, and whisper to her your concerns. Feel her, truly feel her, you can sense her frequency, she is gentle and comforting. You think it’s crazy to converse with a tree? I think it’s crazy we don’t do it enough, I mean, we interact with little lifeless screens all day don’t we?

THE TIGER

I had a dream recently. I was visiting a woman, she had a beautiful piece of land, rolling green hills and mature trees. It was a sunny day and she had a warm, comforting energy, she was one of my spirit guides. She then brought out her animal companions, they were two Tigers, one white and one black. They were regal, powerful but also playful and innocent. They were wrestling with each other, like children, creating a yin and yang in their tossling.

There was a message for me, and I began to research to understand what the yin and yang tigers were trying to teach me, it is also not a coincidence that I was born under the year of the Tiger in the Chinese Zodiac.

When a Tiger appears, the common interpretation is that Spirit wants you to be aware of your raw emotions, your willpower and strength, your wild passion, aggression, and fury. I resonated with this deeply, as I am currently healing from an event where I allowed the animalistic, primal energy we all carry within to explode (A Hardened Heart).

The Tiger also represents sexuality. What is my relationship with sensuality and pleasure? I believe that sex is sacred, and it denotes a special bond between two souls. However, are my views too limiting? Desire is such a natural human instinct, can one soul fulfill the carnal desires of another? I do not have the answers, but it is something to ponder. I do not want to cage sex, or dampen its energy, but I also do not want it to overwhelm me, or to have it be a major driving force in my path.

It felt like they were trying to tell me to be less serious, to be a bit more mischievous. In what ways am I too stiff, and where does this discomfort stem from? What fears am I holding on to as far as sex, confidence and personal power, and how do these fears manifest in anger and anxiety? How can I positively express sensuality? It felt that they were encouraging me to face these things, because they were keys to my energetic blocks, and they were reminding me that I have the power to clear and heal them.

Intuitively, I knew there was a deeper meaning. The Tigers in my dream formed the yin and the yang, they were balanced in their masculine and feminine. Balance is key, we need moments of silence and rest, but also action and excitement, we need to be compassionate and kind, but also powerful and unyielding, we need moments of joy and happiness, but they would not be as meaningful without moments of sorrow and turmoil. What is the balance I can achieve with being playful and mischievous, like the Tigers in my dream, while having reverence in relation to sex? Am I able to have fun, share this energy with others, without emotional attachment or expectation? At this moment, sometimes yes, and sometimes no.

The two Tigers, white and black, felt like a positive omen showing me that I can find the answers for myself. I can achieve a healthy equilibrium. I will be able to feel my anger, but not let it consume me. I will be able to face my judgments about sex, and clear old beliefs about the sins of the body. I will be able to come to a place where I can be more playful, but still stay true to my character. What does sex and pleasure mean to you? Can you still be in a committed relationship while sharing your sexuality with others? Is your desire to experience others, beyond your partner, sexually, a revelation that your partner is not enough, or is it a revelation that your appetite is too much? Or does it simply mean that you can enjoy it, and it is purely physical, and it does not detract from the love and connection you have with your partner? Again, this is personal for everyone, and I do not have the answers. But these are important questions, and we owe it to ourselves and our partners to explore them.

We will always have desires, even if we are in a committed relationship, it is unreasonable to think that our partner would never look at another with lustful eyes. So, what do we do with this desirous energy? Our insecurities would argue against it, but the part of us that wants to explore would be for it, how do we find the balance? Personally, I felt the Tigers in my dream were giving me the message to have more fun, take more risks, because my hesitation stems from fear, so I must try and heal that aspect of my soul. However, there were only two Tigers, and they were playing with only each other, so there is still much exploration within to be done. You decide what you are comfortable with, you must find your own balance, and doing that will help you understand more of who you truly are and what you truly want.

THE ZENITH / XXI THE UNIVERSE

It is a time of completion my friends. Nine of Earth, The Zenith, is the peak. In what ways have you struggled? What hardships have you experienced, what demons have you faced, what mountains have you climbed to reach the highest point where you have a hawk eyes view of all below you, all you have overcome. It was not easy to get there. You had to dig deep, find out what was holding you back, what self limiting beliefs kept you thinking small, the fears that paralyzed you, the insecurities that made you hostile. You did the work. You are doing the work, and it is working.

The golden stars are aligned, you need only make the finish line. There may be one last test, one last hurdle to jump to ensure you are ready for the next cycle. This growth period, though painful, rewards you with invaluable gifts. You know what these are, look back at your previous circumstances, and see how far you have come. Take time to give gratitude for all that has transpired, and if there have been more difficulties than celebrations, look back at those and understand what you learned from what happened, and how you can be the hero of your story versus the victim.

Personally, my Zenith comes two fold. Creating this website and launching this business has been a process of doubt, faith, regressing back to doubt, rising up to faith, and finally sticking there. Then, my inner demons came to a head, and though I am still healing from what has transpired, I see the north star guiding me, and taking me to a place of acceptance and evolution. I have a higher perspective of all that has transpired, and I’m unearthing why they happened, and how I can move forward with a sense of confidence and accomplishment. I have wounds, I have scars, but I carry them as marks of perseverance. What is your Zenith?

The Universe further emphasizes this cycle of completion. As a Major Arcana, this signifies that this cycle was life changing, transformative, and will cause ripple effects throughout the rest of our lives. We started with wide eyed innocence and wonder, then we maneuvered the trials and tribulations of life, experienced the intense joys, the intense sorrows, every emotion we can possibly feel, we were given strokes of luck, heaps of misfortune, true love and true heart break - all to end at The Universe, where we are wiser, more confident about who we truly are, more trusting in spirit and our power to heal, ascend, and manifest, only to begin the cycle again.

What does the next cycle entail? Only you can know, tap into your higher self, and spirit team, to prepare for the wondrous experiences, the tragic experiences, and everything in between. But for now, take a deep breath, and rest on your laurels, victory is near.

A HARDENED HEART

“When I was about six years old I received an essential teaching from an old woman sitting in the sun. I was walking by her house one day feeling lonely, unloved, and mad, kicking anything I could find. Laughing, she said to me, “Little girl, don’t you go letting life harden your heart.” Right there, I received this pith instruction: we can let the circumstances of our lives harden us so that we become increasingly resentful and afraid, or we can let them soften us and make us kinder and more open to what scares us. We always have this choice.” - Pema Chödrön

I’ve recently lived through something incredibly traumatic and heart breaking. There are people to blame, and I am one of them. There were copious amount of drugs involved. The people involved were under the influence, but still wholly responsible.

I was put in an uncomfortable situation, where I felt violated, and my personal boundaries were disregarded. My fears were manifesting right before me, and it felt like the world was crumbling at my feet. I retaliated in violence, it shocks me to even write this now. At the time it felt right, it felt like it was tit for tat, an eye for an eye. I broke precious things, I shattered glasses, like a wild animal in distress, it was equally satisfying and horrific. I got into a physical altercation, resulting in small cuts and bruises. Things were said that can never be unsaid, the dark aspects of the souls emerged, in full power, and caused havoc and destruction. It was a tragedy, and it is something I, and those involved, will have to live with forever.

I will not get into the details yet, perhaps in a later post. I am still processing what happened, and facing the consequences.

We have chosen to open the path to reconciliation and healing. We have acknowledged our parts in the tragedy, and we are exploring how we can move past this, and learn from this. We have exposed each other to the ugliest, most volatile, most vindictive parts of ourselves. There is no going back now, and nothing will ever be the same, but diamonds are formed under extreme heat and pressure and growth happens during the most difficult times. This can strengthen us or tear us apart, even if our intentions are to move forward and mend, only time will tell how this unfolds. I can only pray for the highest good, and even though this was excruciating, I know in my heart this was for the soul evolution of all involved.

There is a part of me that wants to hold on to the rage, because I feel justified in doing so. Unfortunately, there is comfort in victimhood, because you give the power to another, and the idea that it was out of our control, and it happened to us, is easier to swallow. It is then easier to place blame on another and cause them pain. However, identifying as the victim, and wanting another person to suffer, is not healing, it is not of the light, and it stems from fear and our desire to control. We think that if we keep this person at fault, they will bend to our will or else they will be judged as a vile human being. This is a form of emotional and energetic slavery.

We all know, no one is perfect, we try and suffocate our demons until the perfect storm comes and all hell breaks loose. Inside we are ugly, jealous, and full of revenge, but we are also beautiful, generous, and full of love. We are all of these things, we are here to experience all of these things, and we must try all the time to process these emotions with grace and clarity. And when we can’t, when the emotions are overwhelming and we are out of control, it means have more work to do. You can take it that we failed, this was a test and we failed miserably, that’s okay. But it doesn’t mean that we accept it as who we are, we must only accept it as a moment where we did not act from our highest truth, and we will always have the chance to do better and be better.

Resolution will come not from hardening the heart, but softening it. This does not mean putting up with any sort of disrespect or mistreatment, it is up to you when enough is enough, and you know when you must cut the cord. But when there is sincerity, and an intention to forgive, love and understand, and a true desire to heal from all involved, then there is an opportunity for redemption. We must decide to face our fears, and listen to them. Our fears affect us most when they stay hidden, and sometimes they manifest in destructive ways. As we extend love and kindness to a friend in turmoil, we must do the same for our fears for they usually stem from our inner child. We have to talk about it, we have to bring it to the light. In doing so, we become kinder, more loving, and more compassionate to others who have their own fears and traumas to heal, but most importantly we become that to ourselves.

1 1 1

I went to an event last night and was given the option of checking in my coat. I decided to keep it on because I did not want to deal with going back to retrieve it. Of course, I over heated inside, took off my coat and tried to wear it over my shoulders, decided that was annoying and then finally took it to coat check. To my delight, my coat check number was 1 1 1.

I first started seeing synchronized numbers during my initial spiritual awakening. I looked up what each number sequence meant. 1 1 1, 2 2 2, 3 3 3, 4 4 4, etc. There are some interesting theories as to what these numbers symbolize, do a quick search and you will find numerous resources. I am not an expert on numerology but I find it fascinating.

From my personal experience, I believe that these numbers are winks from spirit, or the universe that you are on the right path, that everything you’re experiencing is for your soul evolution, and that spirit is acknowledging and supporting your journey and progress. It’s the feeling of your friends and family cheering you on from the side as you run past the finish line.

When I was moving from San Francisco to New York, with no guarantee that I would find a job, I saw these number sequences multiple times and it helped me feel safe, and it helped me decide that this was the right decision. Then, things fell apart in my career, and I started doing more spiritual work and following my true calling. This time I was much more fearful, because this was so unconventional and crazy at the time, but I also felt cradled and protected by spirit because I continued to see these numbers. They served as gentle messages of encouragement. It felt like spirit was saying “we know this is difficult, and you are scared, but trust in us, and trust in yourself.”

They also usually carry subtle reminders and lessons. Last night, the message I got from 1 1 1 was to allow people to help you. Give people the pleasure of giving, when someone offers you assistance take it. By denying someone’s service, you are denying them that very sacred energetic exchange. I know it was just coat check, but even in that trivial moment it made me realize how often I turn away the good will of others because I don’t want to inconvenience them.

The root of this is not my kindness, it is the feeling that I don’t deserve their help. This is something that most people need to work on. It doesn’t matter how small, or how grand, the task. When people offer you help, and they are coming from a place of sincerity, I challenge you to prove to yourself and spirit that you believe you deserve their help, and ultimately that you deserve to be blessed.

I often wake up at 3:33 or 4:44 as well. It is extremely annoying to wake up in the middle of the night, but when I look at the clock and see these numbers I smile, because I know spirit is guiding me.

If you find yourself in difficult, dark times, or if you are afraid, ask spirit for guidance and I almost guarantee you will start seeing these number sequences. They don’t exactly give you the answers, or magically fix everything. But they do say, “you are loved, you are growing, you will get through this,” and sometimes that is just what we need to nudge us along. You might still feel stuck and confused, but we don’t need to know how everything is going to work out, only that it will, we only need to follow the bread crumbs and get to that next step.  

FORCE / XI KARMA

As I was shuffling, I asked spirit what would serve the highest good of the greater world. One of Fire, The Force, speaks to the initial spark, the single flame that ignites and burns so bright it inspires others to light up. Karma speaks to the balance of energy, the give and take, the light and the dark, the eventual equilibrium that must be found.

The Force brings a sense of hope, vigor, and fury that will tip the scales in Karma. This is a continuation of my first Tarot post, entitled XVI The Tower/ XXI The Universe.

In November, there will be a redistribution of power. I am not talking about democrats versus republicans, I am talking about human decency and respect versus outright discrimination and hatred. Peoples rights are being threatened. Our Transgendered family is in danger of being erased from the history books. Everything they and their allies fought for will be destroyed if we do not act.

We are now gifted with the energy of the Force, there is a light within us, that is ready to burst and radiate out into the world. We are ready to defend those who have been ridiculed and oppressed, we are ready to inspire each other to love and stand up for equality, we are ready to step on the scales of justice and ensure that the light prevails.

Now is the time to affect change. Karma has come into our awareness to validate our knowing that we are living in a time of imbalance and unfairness. It is not the time to do nothing. We often ask ourselves, well what can we do? We are powerless in this system. I challenge you and instead tell you that you are more powerful than you think. You don’t give yourself enough credit. We are more connected now than ever, we can spread messages of love and inclusion, and we can use our anger to create a better future.

This is not about overpowering the opposition, or retaliating by spreading more hate at those who we do not agree with. Our main driving force must be love, and only love. We need the light, there is enough darkness in the world. We are not the politicians, we do not need to slander the other party in order to make our point known. We do not give up, we do not back down, but we do not give in, we do not sink to that level; our goal is to raise the frequency of the world.

Let us use the fire inside to expose that which continues to spread cruelty, the darkness fears the light, and the light does not need to do anything but SHINE. We have an opportunity now, the great imbalance woke us up to what needs to be done, now let us empower ourselves, let us empower others. The Force is with you.  

THE INNER DEMONS

“Life’s work is to wake up, to let the things that enter your life wake you up rather than put you to sleep. The only way to do this is to open, be curious, and develop some sense of sympathy for everything that comes along, to get to know its nature and let it teach you what it will. It’s going to stick around until you learn your lesson, at any rate. You can leave your marriage, you can quit your job, you can only go where people are going to praise you, you can manipulate your world until you’re blue in the face to try to make it smooth, but the same old demons will always come up until finally you have learned your lesson, the lesson they came to teach you. Then those same demons will appear as friendly, warmhearted companions on the path.” - Pema Chödrön

When I abandoned apparel design, or when apparel design abandoned me, what I thought was my sense of self worth plummeted. I felt called to walk a spiritual path, but that did not mean that I was not riddled with fear, doubt, and anxiety. This self pity multiplied when I started dating a wonderful, loving and kind man, who also happened to work in fashion and was extremely successful. I compared myself to him, to his colleagues, to his friends and fell under a depression because I felt I was not doing enough, I wasn’t making enough, I wasn’t trying enough, I wasn’t enough.

This led to severe insecurities, my mind ran rampant, wondering why such an incredible person would choose to be with me. Why wouldn’t he date one of the many attractive, stylish gay men he is constantly surrounded with? Do his friends look at me and judge me? Do they think he is wasting his time? Am I wasting his time? Am I preventing him from meeting someone on his level? What the hell am I doing in his life? What the hell am I doing with my life?

I started self sabotaging the relationship, I let the insecurities, the jealousies fuel fits of anger and rage. I let the darkness swallow what was good. I left in the middle of the night multiple times, I was like a child, demanding coddling and attention. I reasoned it was better to leave than to face what was in front of me, and what was coming out of me.

I thought I was spiritually evolved, I thought that after the end of a previous major relationship I truly learned to love myself and be comfortable in my own skin. Spirit however, had to show me how much work I still had to do. My partner was a mirror, to reflect the cracks and shadows and and broken pieces of myself. It was not about him, or his friends, or his success, it was about me. I was destroying my soul, and pouring salt on my wounds.

I could not go on like this, so I sought therapy, and I began to ask myself what self worth truly was, and where it came from. What I learned from therapy was that feeling these emotions is not wrong, but when you attach stories and let them overcome you, that’s when you begin to sink in the quicksand. Emotion is energy, and we must learn to let them move through us, not block them, not deny them, not shut them away, but to hear their message and then shift out of them, grow from them. Processing this energy requires practice and there are many methods, I personally like tapping, exercising, meditating, breath work, and writing rituals.

My inner demons came out time after time, again and again, because they were trying to teach me that I still held on to the belief that self worth came from your job title, how much money you made, what you have accumulated, and others’ recognition of your accomplishments. I put my self worth in the hands of outside forces.

It is wonderful to have all of those things, don’t get me wrong, but what if it all goes away. What if you attached your self worth to all of those things and they all disappeared, then what? What do you have left?

How do we cultivate self worth? Every answer will be different, I can only speak to what is working for me. Finding my soul purpose has helped immensely, asking spirit how may I serve instead of how may I gain has redirected my life. It is something that can not be taken away. Understanding that all of my insecurities stem from the fear of losing something has opened my eyes, because I know that everything comes from spirit, from source. I will always have everything I need, as long as I follow my heart I will be guided and provided for. Faith.

Discerning when my mind thinks from fear is important. I created opinions, I made up the idea that all of these people were judging me. Even if they were, what does that matter? Judgement always stems from fear, so if someone is judging you, it is because they see an aspect of their self that they do not like or have not come to peace with. Then, what if my partner decided to leave, what if my fears were realized and he chose to be with someone that was on his level of success, then what? I would be heart broken, but I would heal. I would not be defeated, and I would not be a victim, because no one has the power to strip me of my self worth except for me.

The epiphany that has helped me the most is gaining the undeniable knowing that I AM WORTHY. YOU ARE WORTHY. WE ARE WORTHY to receive love, to receive blessings, grace, abundance, WE ARE WORTHY to follow our life calling, to look at ourselves in the mirror and say without embarrassment or hesitation that I LOVE YOU. WE ARE WORTHY to give love in return, to stand strong in our self worth even if we are not where we want to be in life, even if we are not “successful” in this moment, even if someone is doing “better” than we are. Do not let other people make you feel less than, if they do it is only because you are allowing them to. More importantly, do not allow yourself to make you feel less than. YOU ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH.

This will be a continuous practice, challenges will come, sometimes they will be almost unbearable, but I know I will always overcome them, know that you can too.

MANIFESTING / SOUL PURPOSE

Everyone has heard about the law of attraction, the power of positive thinking, and raising your frequency to align to the life you want. I love The Secret, Abraham Hicks, Bashar, and devour all books and articles about manifesting.

I believe in stating your intent to the universe, and trusting that your desire will come to you at the perfect time in the perfect way. I believe in all the manifesting exercises like journaling, visualizing, being thankful now and acting as if.

I wrote a gratitude entry for what I wanted to manifest in 2017 and 2018. I am not surprised that most of those things I wanted manifested in one way or another, but there was one that just did not come to fruition.

I was trying to manifest a design director job in the apparel industry. I enjoyed what I did, I loved designing. But I did not enjoy being in an office, I wanted more freedom. More importantly, my curiosity on spirituality and all things “new-age” was growing. I spent more time reading articles about psychic mediumship, channelers, ascension, crystals, shamans, energy healing and etc. versus articles about what’s happening in fashion.

Then, as you probably read in my about me, all the intuitive psychics I went to told me I was meant to work for myself as a healer. Eventually, after a lot of time struggling, the light bulb went off in my head that this is what I was meant to do. The job in fashion did not manifest because it was not aligned with my soul’s true purpose.

When I finally surrendered to this spiritual work, all the ducks lined up in a neat little row. I still had to work on my fear and judgement. This was the riskiest move I’ve ever made, but doing this work made me feel like I was truly making a difference. This work helps people heal, I help guide those who are lost.

When you are manifesting, stop and ask yourself, why are you trying to manifest this? Is it because it’s what you think you should have? Do you have an expectation of yourself based on ego, that this is where you have to be in the next stage of your life?

What if a romantic relationship with that perfect person is not what you need right now? What if in being single, you learn to love yourself and you experience a magical awakening that could not have happened if you had a partner?

Is that job you want truly going to fulfill you beyond your wallet and need for recognition? Or is there something else that is calling you? Something that is unconventional, but exciting, something that sets your soul on fire.

If it’s not happening, if you find yourself carrying resistance and desperation; It may not be aligned with your soul’s purpose. There’s that cliche saying, “if money were no object, what would you do with your life?” 

I know this sounds naive, and people have bills to pay and mouths to feed. I am not asking you to abandon what puts a roof over your head. However, I do believe that once you find what you are supposed to do on this planet, and once you surrender to it, the universe will work its magic to clear the path for you. This does not have to be dramatic and sudden, though it can be. This can be gradual, but it just has to BE. 

Your higher self knows what it must do in this lifetime, the more you resist your destiny, the more spirit will try to guide you, or pull you to the right path. Spirit will put barriers, failed plans, disappointments, whatever it can to awaken you to your true calling, and often it is something you’ve always known was inside of you. 

XVI THE TOWER / XXI THE UNIVERSE

As I was shuffling I could not stop thinking about the current political climate. These two major arcana resonate exactly with what I am feeling, and what I believe will happen. 

We are all feeling the energy of The Tower right now. It feels as if our sense of security, our country, our belief that what is right, is crumbling and we feel powerless. There is a victimhood associated with The Tower because it seems as if life is happening to us, and everything is out of control. 

There is no other choice but to jump from the burning building. We must leave what was before, we leap into the unknown, but unlike The Fool, there is a sense of dread. 

However, there is a blessing in The Tower. It is in our times of darkness where we find our true strength and resilience. 

Think of all the times in our lives where we thought we hit rock bottom. Think of the heart breaks, the betrayals, the disappointments, the destruction of what we believed to be invincible. Those moments were vicious, we felt deeply, and we suffered. Then, think of how your life would have been if these things did not happen. We would not have grown, we would not have been aware of our own power, we would have not evolved.

The Tower also signifies sudden realizations. We now realize that we can not go back to the way we were before. We can not be complacent, we can not ignore what is happening around us, we can not do nothing. To me, The Tower is a call to arms. 

We must gather ourselves, and prepare to fight. Our weapon is our voice, our love, and our compassion. Let us transmute fear and anger and allow it to fuel us. 

I believe The Tower was necessary to wake us up. We took a giant leap back, so that we can realize how much work we still have to do. 

The gift after The Tower is The Universe. This energy speaks to completion, cycles coming to a wonderful, balanced and ultimately destined conclusion. The hardships experienced make way for peace, clarity and celebration. 

This is a victory earned. it is not a victory over your opponent, it is a victory for the light.

The Universe asks us to lead with grace. How can we fight for truth and justice without demonizing others? Without compromising ourselves?

The more we focus on the opposition, the more energy and attention we bring to them.

Instead of blaming those who we do not agree with, let’s focus on those who we align with. Instead of saying how terrible someone is, let’s echo how wonderful, how brave, how inspiring the other person is.

I am an optimist, I believe that good will prevail. It is not hope, it is undeniable knowing. Don’t stop fighting brothers, sisters, and non-binary family, there is a bright, warm light at the end of the tunnel.